There was a time when I energy-fed–before I thought of myself as an Energy Vampire. It was more that I didn’t think of it as “feeding” in the way that I think of vampiric energy feeding, now. I did use the word “nourishment,” thinking in terms of “spiritual nourishment”–the energies that each of us need, as spiritual/energetic beings with spiritual/energetic bodies.
Before I self-identified as a Vampire and used the reference points that I use now, I thought of myself as a mage and an energy worker. I moved energy and thought of this process as more of “channeling.” One of the first concepts I was introduced to in Feri Witchcraft was that of the “The Tree” visualization–thinking of ourselves as rooted in the Earth, with our branches reaching into the skies and space. Energetically connected to the energy system of the Earth and the Planetary bodies. As a Witch, we were taught that we were spiritually nourished by taking in energies from the Earth and the Sky. Within the context of paganism, we were also taught that our personal energy systems needed the feminine, Goddess, Earth energies from below and the masculine, God, solar, Sky energies from above. With both, we were complete.
While I didn’t use the word “feeding” extensively at the time, I meditated on both types of natural energy filling my personal system and nourishing my chakras, energy bodies and any other metaphor/image that I thought of as my “self.” At the time, my mental concept was not that I was anything special or unique because I practiced in this way. My perception was that all beings benefited from performing this practice consciously, because it represented full communion with all spiritual energies. Anything with a spirit (i.e., humans) became complete with this conscious practice.
Eventually, whether it was an intuitive understanding or a logical conclusion based on an analysis of these metaphysical concepts [or even, simply a psychological technique, working as some kind of emotional placebo], I found value in taking in other classes of energies. Pretty much any other type of energy that I could conceptualize.
As a Witch, I pretty much figured out that every magickal system that we used represented the wholeness of reality by breaking it down into smaller symbolic parts that we could mentally relate to. The signs of the Zodiac, Planetary Magick, Elemental Magick, Pantheons…with each exploration of every magickal construct, my main practice was channeling those energies into and through my self. Earth, Water, Fire, Air. Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars. Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer. Ra, Isis, Osiris, Horus, Sekhmet, Bast. For whatever other technique I practiced or information I studied, I constantly pulled energy into myself. The benefits were observable. While, I wasn’t “healed” in the way that I conceptualized (and expected) to be, I did notice differences and improvements. I felt emotionally calmer. My physical body felt better. I was healthier on those two levels.
I felt a satisfaction that I didn’t have before. To me, these were spiritual and magickal practices that ANY spiritually-oriented person could choose to do. These were beneficial, but not obligatory. To my understanding, I was drawn to these practices, these states because it was natural to my being…but, I was still human. There was nothing about my BEING that made me different from any other human, magician or non-magician. These trends to want to explore spirituality, energy work and magick were things that I saw as part of my personality or consciousness–but, they did not set me apart as a different TYPE of human being.
My magickal practices didn’t fix everything in my life, but they certainly made them MUCH better. By the time I stumbled into the Vampire Community, I was already pretty content with my personal system. And because it was such a personal and living system, I adjusted and adopted the concepts that I discovered within energy vampirism. The explanations that I discovered in the Vampire Community filled in the holes that my previous system had. Looking back, I realized that I had auto-fed on other humans quite a bit of the time. People also told me that I pulled on their negative energy in ways that I know I didn’t do consciously–again, automatically. Friends and acquaintances told me that they felt better around me, because I would relieve them of their heavy, negative energies, simply by being in their presence.
Even though I had a comfortable background in the Pagan and Magickal Communities…or maybe BECAUSE I knew the value of considering myself a student in new territory…I was open to listening to the input from the various members of the Vampire Community. They were obviously aware of their vampirism much longer than I had been. Even though no one had expressly communicated this to me–from observing the focus of many Energy Feeders, I eventually considered “vampiric feeding” as the taking in of energy from other human energy systems. I had a long history of taking in energy from non-human sources…and because I didn’t call it “feeding,” I never thought of that as vampiric.
Taking in energy from human sources was “vampiric.” This was part of the reason that I quietly disbelieved that elemental feeders were really vampires, if their energetic diet was exclusive to that non-human energy. Feeding on Nature’s energies was something that I had done for years–it was part of a magician’s routine. Many spiritual people did it and everyone could benefit from it.
At some vague point, within some grey area, I started to think of myself as more of a Psychic Vampire/Energy Vampire/Vampire rather than as a Witch. Not that I gave up on my old practices completely, but working with non-human energies happened less frequently. I had created a distinction between Magicians/Witches and Vampires in my mind. Even though no one else told me that I had to give up my old energy work, I had also accidentally created an association between solar/stellar energies and the powers of Nature. Lunar and Nocturnal energies were in a separate category. Vampires seemed to have a preference for nighttime imagery.
While I didn’t think in terms of Light/Good and Dark/Bad, I did use particular terms and images in my pre-Vampire Community days. I thought of energy as Light…Diane Stein had introduced me to the concept of Black Light, so even working with Darkness wasn’t a problem in the modality I had been using. While I did work with Lunar and Nocturnal energies/images, I thought of Light as being a strong part of this framework.
I thought of the principles of Energy Vampirism as rounding out my practices, so I adopted them. However, I perceived that there is much more of a Nocturnal focus in many of the members…so, I eventually lost focus on the entirety of my old energy work, as I was used to practicing it. It seems that many of the Energy Feeders focus on Lunar energies and Dark energies, if any energy work is done at all, besides feeding on human-sourced prana. I hadn’t realized that I had narrowed in my focus in the same way in my personal practice. Looking back, I realized that it was an eventual progression.
I hadn’t thought of my early energy work as Feeding, because that is not a term that we worked with. We did use concepts like “spiritual nourishment,” though. “Feeding” sounds like something predatory, while “nourishment” reminds me of something healthy and nurturing. Even though we often work with willing donation and ambient energy, “feeding” brings to mind something other than “eating”….it’s a more aggressive word choice. When I thought of being “nourished” by the Earth’s energy, there was definitely something softer, caring, more loving about the concept.
I was taking in energy either way, but there was distinctions in my frame of reference. I’ve recently found MORE wonderful, well-rounded, spiritually-oriented Vampires who embrace the value of working with non-human sources of energy, as well as acknowledging that it is part of our nature to feed on human-source prana. Is it natural for some of us–Vampiric Energy Feeders–to focus only on Nocturnal energies…or is it another part of The Vampire Mystique to only focus on the Night? Is it fashionable to keep only to the dark or do some of us keep to the shadows because we’ve associated the Light and Sunlight to the (unenlightened) society that we wish to separate ourselves from?