Awakening.. whats wrong with me?
The conversation went something like this…
Newbie: “Whats wrong with me?”
Lady CG: “Have you been to see a doctor?”
newbie: “Ya…I checked out fine. Blood work was fine. I still feel like crap”
Lady CG: You tried the vitamin supplements?
Newbie: “Ya, but only the B vitamins and the Calcium seemed to help much. I’m sleeping better now”
Lady CG: “Did the bloody steak help at all?”
Newbie: “For a while. But I haven’t had one for three weeks now.”
Lady CG: “Then I know whats wrong with you.”
Lady CG: “But we talked about this before.”
Newbie: “I’m sure I’m awakening”
Lady CG: “Then, as I said before, there is NOTHING wrong with you. everything you have described is perfectly normal. For a Sanguine vampire”
Newbie: “Is that why I feel so crummy?”
Lady CG: “No. You feel crummy because you haven’t fed. A normal person wouldn’t starve themselves. You have to learn not to starve yourself too. Being a vampire doesn’t’ hurt. Being a Hungry vampire does.”
I have conversations similar to this every month or so. Some person will write to me or meet me on IM wanting to know if they are a vampire. I have the same response every-time. I can’t and won’t even try to tell someone whether they are or are not an awakening vampire. Only YOU know the answer to that. there are however things you can do to help yourself decide.
Most people don’t notice the physical symptoms first. They call it “awakening’ because the very first sign is an awareness of things and currents around you, that normal people don’t seem to notice. You feel different, out of place. You feel like you know things you shouldn’t’ know and somewhere just on the edge of your consciousness is an awareness of greater things you feel you can almost touch.
You start to take an interest in occult. You’re attracted to darker subjects and you start to notice an affinity with the night. you’re more comfortable. Moonlight doesn’t’ hurt your eyes…. and you realize you see better in the dark than lots of people.
About this time you realize you are having problems with depression, and apathy. Its hard to get out of bed int he mornings. You want to sleep too much. You start to become angry and irritable on a regular basis. People call you high strung, hyperactive, your attention span can suck. sometimes you get angry and unstable. your weight becomes a concern. You’re always hungry, and your metabolism sucks. Or you go exactly the opposite direction and nothing appeals to you, even though you’re starving.
Eventually you’re driven to look for answers. You NEED to find whatever it is you’re craving. You need to find whatever it is you know is out there. You want to know what the hell is wrong with YOU.
The first step is to see a doctor. Its smart to rule out any physical illnesses or diseases.
Try a multi vitamin. IF you happen to be a vampyre, calcium and B vitamins will help stabilize your emotions a bit, and settle your stomach.
If you aren’t, a One a Day isn’t’ going to do you any harm.
If you can rule out anything physically, medically tangible, but you are STILL craving, TRY a rare steak. Millions of people eat their steak with blood running out of it. It wont’ hurt you. IF you really are a vampire it will give you what you need to feed on. Try a steak a week for a month. Do you feel better? What changes do you feel? Have the cravings gone away?
The need to feed is one of the single most basic facts of being a Sanguine Vampire. Sangs NEED blood. without we are sick, emotionally unstable, apathetic, hungry, disagreeable creatures. with it we are stronger, quick to mend, smart, fast and we have the ability to nurture other very cool skills, with our affinity with energy.
Once you KNOW you are a vampire, you should definitely study Safe bloodletting, get a blood test and if you a re over the age of 18, start on the endless search for a lifetime worth of donors, or a great sympathetic butcher in your neighborhood.
The next step is to learn to survive and thrive as a developing Sang. But THAT is for another article.
Stay warm. Stay fed. Stay together.
Physical blood, or metaphysical energy. I feel this still rings true.
I couldn’t always get steak as a teen and very early 20 something though, I took my risk on rare burgers (rare ground meat can be contaminated). Grossed my mom out so bad, lol. She forbade me from cooking burgers for the family and requested if I cooked it like that, to only do so for myself. I managed to substitute a bit with rare steak, pomegranate juice mixed with a bit of v8 and/or strong red wine and regular (varyingly rough) sex. That combination, a few years ago (3-5 years ago I think. My memory and sense of time is terrible), sustained me like nothing else. I am still working on getting back into that routine without too many prying ears, eyes or minds.
Thank you for that. I wrote this a long time ago. I’m glad its still relevant today.
I’m pretty much at this point right now and have been to the doctor countless times, tried everything else, and still can’t figure out why I feel so awful despite apparently having a clean bill of health. I’ve been a lurker in the VC for a little while now, but it’s honestly very intimidating and not too friendly at the best of times, especially if you ask a question the wrong way. Thank you for hosting this site and forum. I feel like I can get some honest information here, and this post has struck a chord with me. I’m still figuring out what I need and I truly don’t know how to go about any of it.
Welcome and thank you for joining us!
Ask away. This board has staff from all over the community, most are long time community members. So make yourself at home and feel free to ask anything. We’ll do our best to help. <3
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